Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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