My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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