awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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