We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
