who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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