no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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