if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
