I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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