is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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