it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
