everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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