i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
