Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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