im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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