She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
