Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's like iHOP with fire
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
