Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
