I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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