Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
