I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
