Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
