Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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