Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
