i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
