I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
