wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
