I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
