Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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