He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
