And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
