grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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