It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
