They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
