hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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