i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
