good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
