im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
