I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fuck appropriateness.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is classic penis vs brain.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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