The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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