She announced her abortion via fbk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
