I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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