i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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