so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
