Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
