the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
