dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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