The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
