This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
