Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
