id be glad to
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
