Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
