i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
