Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
