Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
