I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
