break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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