You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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